So, you want to live a positive, successful and wellbeing life! Yet, there are certain people dragging you down or stopping you in the way of true happiness. It could be your boss in your dead end job you go to everyday, who rewards you with a minimum wage. Maybe that last relationship put you in a downer of a mood and now your hopes of sharing your life with a compatible partner seems non existent. Or you have that kind of friend who will support you, yet, are pessimistic about themselves; leaving you feeling drained and uninspired.
This general group of people, we can safely call “toxic”!
“Recently, I drove into a situation, blinded by hopeful happiness. In holiday mode, I was chilled, relaxed and ready to soak up the summer fun. My friend, on the other hand was nervous! Even though I was warned of their fears, I was not prepared for what I was going to witness. As the days progressed, so did their nerves and soon enough, they erupted. Instead of talking it through, they preferred to ask me to leave. It was the first time something like this has happened and I didn’t want us to lose out on what we had planned. I tried to keep myself from going home and work on dissolving the built up stress. Though, with my kind-hearted efforts to help, my friend turned away and named called me “Toxic” and that my daughter had “major issues”! “
Toxicity comes in many forms. It can be defined in many ways. The best way to know if you have encountered a toxic person is to take a step back and look at their behaviour. Are they being true to themselves and others? Are they taking responsibility for their own actions? Are they being rude and causing grief to you? If people are lying, hiding from the truth, playing the blame game and show no sign of empathy; you may need to let them go. However, if you are able to communicate with them and get past a negative situation, that’s called growth. If nothing seems to help save the relationship from falling deeper into chaos, it’s clearly toxic!
“I couldn’t have agreed more with my friend. I am Toxic and my daughter has major issues. Who isn’t? Who doesn’t? There is no such thing as living a positive life without negativity. I have just as much stress going on in my world as the next person. I don’t need to explain myself or give reasons to why. A true friend would be able to see this. I’m an open book and my toxicity lies within my surroundings and my daughter’s major issues rest with her family unit separating and coming back together. Its been tough for us, though, we are not victims nor survivors, we are worriers. To name call, put someone in a box, categorise, stereotype and label them, is further from being pure themselves. A friend can call you out on your actions to help you grow, but this was not the case in my situation. The wake-up call had come through loud and clear; I acknowledged my friend’s wishes and drove home.”
On the path; Leaving our friend’s holiday home
People will either lift you up or pull you down. It’s a matter of choosing the right kind to help you grow, evolve, move forward; bring you closer to living your dreams. If you are ready to detox, then it’s time to look at your surroundings and start the elimination process. Let’s look at it from another angle. When we eat junk food we know it’s going to give us that warm fuzzy feeling of satisfaction for a moment and once that high sugary feeling is over we fall back into a rut. So, we start to eat healthy, choose better quality foods to lift our spirit. Flushing out the bad with water will also give our body a fresh new start. We feel more energetic for longer and knowing we are doing good gives us that certainty we’re on the healthy track. What if we did the same with people?
Purging out toxic people will help your mind become clear and live a more positive life. But unlike food, you can’t just grab what you want and leave the rest on the shelf. If only it was that easy!
We all know that saying; “when one door closes, another one opens!” Opening new doors with optimistic people is likely. However, closing doors to what is stopping you in your path is like running away from your problems. Sometimes, that new person ends up being just like the last; toxic!
“What we run away from, we run into!”
The only way to flush those toxic elements out of your life is to recognise the behaviour. It’s not the person who is making you suffer; it’s the behaviour they are portraying! You are attracting the behaviour, not the person. You can push away those who don’t serve you, but in the end, that toxic behaviour will keep reappearing.
What if I told you that the reason you are attracting these negative elements in your life is because you are toxic too? Hard to digest? The truth always is!
“Like attracts like!”
So, the steps to take, in the process of detoxing behaviours of others is to recognise it within yourself. Here is a method I created that will help you cleanse yourself of toxic behaviours;
4 Simple Steps to Cleanse Toxic Behaviours
Step 1. Write a list of all the people that are draining you.
Step 2. Write about each situation, painting a picture of what happened to make you “feel” this way.
Step 3. Write the behaviour that best suits the person. How were they acting? Easy Peasy! The next step will be the challenging part but most effective!
Step 4. Recognise each behaviour within yourself. Look at your past and present moments. Write about each situation, painting a picture of what happened to make you “act” that way.
It’s a tough step. People that find this difficult don’t want to take responsibility of their own behaviours and actions, hence why they keep attracting toxic and annoying people into their lives. Once you see it within yourself, you’ll come to understand they are just showing a mirror image of you. You don’t need to tell them. Detoxing is for you alone. They may even start behaving differently and you may be able to keep them in your life. Closing doors is not always the answer. Work on yourself, focus on yourself, be true to yourself!
“With each situation that followed after my summer holiday, I became more aware of my behaviour and actions. I noticed I was putting myself in these predicaments; innocently looking to connect and form friendships. The more I cleansed myself of my toxicity, the more I found people in my surroundings to be rich in spirit.”
Detoxing is not pretty. It’s not meant to be. It’s painful, emotional and needs discipline to achieve! Think of it as a kitchen renovation; you pull everything out, use your strength to rip down all the cupboards, leaving a huge mess! But once you clean it all up, you have a new space to install an upgraded style. It takes time! In the end, after all the hard work, you sit at the bench and enjoy the rewards.
So, tell me, have you had to cleanse yourself of toxic people? How did you do it? What happened and did you succeed? I’d love to hear your stories. Either way, here’s to a new beginning at creating a positive, successful and wellbeing life.